I was outside running today and I have been struggling quite a bit lately with my OCD/anxiety and my sexuality.
Anyway, I know what these guys did was probably totally random, they were high school looking guys & they opened there window and started *YELLING/SCREAMING* the f'bomb at me as well as other stuff at me, but couldn't make the rest out) My first question to myself why me?? And why did these people have to be such JERKS. I know they probably did not know me since I was wearing a hat and had a few layers of clothing on me. But not totally sure.
Nonetheless, it still hurt my feelings because first of all I don't enjoy the f bomb thrown at me, even if they were trying to be funny and even though they were probably strangers. It just reminded me so much of the teasing that went on in high school and being called a "faggot" & even though I do not think they called me a "faggot" that's all I could think after they started screaming stuff out the window. Even if they did call me a "faggot" I have to keep in my mind it was most likely random.
Its weird because as I was running and as soon as I heard that comment I got light headed, dizzy and literally thought I might faint, after I heard this, It brought all the high school memories back, and I felt like someone stabbed me with a knife.
I see a new doc in the next few weeks who can prescribe medication and hopefully he can help me find some medication to take some of the edge off all the anxiety and OCD I am struggling with.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
12/14/07 Working-Ocd/Depression
I know this is a tad choppy, because I have not updated for a few weeks. But if you read my blog often, you will get where I am coming from.
Hi There:
Well I finished my second week of work, but am still struggling a lot. I hope things get easier. It seems like I am hanging onto everyones words and then I ruminate about it all day. No one knows I ruminate or hang on(i mean coworkers), but me.
I mean most of the people/clients at the nursing home have mild deminta, but some you can barely notice. It seems like I worry what everyone says and I am driving myself crazy. co-workers and patients comments. Like yesterday one of the eldery patients talked about people who are phony. I automatically thought it was about me. So for 6 hours I worried if I was a phony. I guess If I am going to worry for 6 hours if I am a phony, I am probably not.
The thing is if you saw me in action. I seem very happy go lucky, good natured and smile, but I am having a hard time struggling in my own head. Like today 2 of the patients commented about a man at the center who doesn't smile, well I thought to myself there are some male clients, but only one other male staff member. So I assume the not smiling person is me, when it fact I do smile, even one of the ladies husbands mentioned he liked that my smile, and told me to keep smiling and the women who commented on the person who doesn't smile has mentioned in the past that I am a nice guy, cute and sweet(its hard for me to write those words, because I do not know for sure and I discredit some of this because she suffers from demita)
But my OCD overtakes at some level, because I do not like the sound of my voice(I have mentioned this several times here) and even though I am pretty talkative and have a nice personality I keep thinking maybe I do not talk enough and maybe they do not see me smiling or I do not smile or do not smile as much as I could b/c of this(this is the part that really upsets me)
I know I am doing this to myself and I am driving myself insane. I see my doc and we are looking into different meds.
Then I told a few people close to me(relatives/friends) about the smiling worry and they said do you smile at work? and I said yes. I mean they do not see me and work, so its a fair question. But then sometimes I ponder maybe I do not smile enough. One of my relatives, just responded Oy, Justin.
Then I come home and run 7 miles each day, and at this point I am sick of running, but now I am seeing I am almost ill without it, because everytime someone tells me I am cute, I feel like they are enablers, because to me its like saying Justin DO NOT LET YOURSELF GO or get out of shape, because then you will have less appeal.
What is sad about all of this is deep inside I know the client and staff likes me for the most part. And they have made me well aware how much they like me. Like they have said the patients love you, you are wonderful, you are cute etc. But it only counts if certain people at the center say it, if not I dismiss it. But nearly almost everyone has said it, but a few coworkers have not. Also one coworker doesn't seem to care for me. So at lunch I start crying in my car(I know I am pathetic) Another reason I run outside is because sometimes I feel like I get too obsessive(when I really was not) on relatives when I mentioned the smiling bit to them, so I am now consumed people may only like me, because of my appearance and other then they find me annoying. If my appearance fades then I people will not like me at all.
Like if you talked to the people at work and the patients and I mentioned this(which I would never do), they would wonder probably what the hell am I talking about. I think they would see me as kind, nice, someone who laughs and yes smiles.
I need to probably relax, because at the rate crows feet are not far off. As I write this I can almost see the comedy in it, but I am still torturing myself.
I feel like a need a hug, but maybe I will dismss the hugs if they are not from the right people(I am not even sure if I am kidding when I write this)
Justin
Hi There:
Well I finished my second week of work, but am still struggling a lot. I hope things get easier. It seems like I am hanging onto everyones words and then I ruminate about it all day. No one knows I ruminate or hang on(i mean coworkers), but me.
I mean most of the people/clients at the nursing home have mild deminta, but some you can barely notice. It seems like I worry what everyone says and I am driving myself crazy. co-workers and patients comments. Like yesterday one of the eldery patients talked about people who are phony. I automatically thought it was about me. So for 6 hours I worried if I was a phony. I guess If I am going to worry for 6 hours if I am a phony, I am probably not.
The thing is if you saw me in action. I seem very happy go lucky, good natured and smile, but I am having a hard time struggling in my own head. Like today 2 of the patients commented about a man at the center who doesn't smile, well I thought to myself there are some male clients, but only one other male staff member. So I assume the not smiling person is me, when it fact I do smile, even one of the ladies husbands mentioned he liked that my smile, and told me to keep smiling and the women who commented on the person who doesn't smile has mentioned in the past that I am a nice guy, cute and sweet(its hard for me to write those words, because I do not know for sure and I discredit some of this because she suffers from demita)
But my OCD overtakes at some level, because I do not like the sound of my voice(I have mentioned this several times here) and even though I am pretty talkative and have a nice personality I keep thinking maybe I do not talk enough and maybe they do not see me smiling or I do not smile or do not smile as much as I could b/c of this(this is the part that really upsets me)
I know I am doing this to myself and I am driving myself insane. I see my doc and we are looking into different meds.
Then I told a few people close to me(relatives/friends) about the smiling worry and they said do you smile at work? and I said yes. I mean they do not see me and work, so its a fair question. But then sometimes I ponder maybe I do not smile enough. One of my relatives, just responded Oy, Justin.
Then I come home and run 7 miles each day, and at this point I am sick of running, but now I am seeing I am almost ill without it, because everytime someone tells me I am cute, I feel like they are enablers, because to me its like saying Justin DO NOT LET YOURSELF GO or get out of shape, because then you will have less appeal.
What is sad about all of this is deep inside I know the client and staff likes me for the most part. And they have made me well aware how much they like me. Like they have said the patients love you, you are wonderful, you are cute etc. But it only counts if certain people at the center say it, if not I dismiss it. But nearly almost everyone has said it, but a few coworkers have not. Also one coworker doesn't seem to care for me. So at lunch I start crying in my car(I know I am pathetic) Another reason I run outside is because sometimes I feel like I get too obsessive(when I really was not) on relatives when I mentioned the smiling bit to them, so I am now consumed people may only like me, because of my appearance and other then they find me annoying. If my appearance fades then I people will not like me at all.
Like if you talked to the people at work and the patients and I mentioned this(which I would never do), they would wonder probably what the hell am I talking about. I think they would see me as kind, nice, someone who laughs and yes smiles.
I need to probably relax, because at the rate crows feet are not far off. As I write this I can almost see the comedy in it, but I am still torturing myself.
I feel like a need a hug, but maybe I will dismss the hugs if they are not from the right people(I am not even sure if I am kidding when I write this)
Justin
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
11/21/07 Not quite the personality
Hey Guys:
Just a quick blog, because I am not much in the mood to blog. A few weeks ago, my dad and I were talking about careers and what I want to do in the future. My dream as a little kid was always to be a local tv reporter as a 28 year old I want this to be my reality. I know I have only finished a year and half of college, but I can always go back.
A lot of the reason I dropped out was because of depression, ocd and anxiety. And not because I am lazy. As we chatted my dad told me not to go into local television or radio. He said it was WAY too competitive, in some way some of his reasoning is something to consider. He also wants me to be realistic.
Instead, he said when the time is right he would like to help me open/buy a dunkin' donuts. The thing is I have no interest in business or opening a dunkin' donuts. I think this is his what he interested in. He is always looking for projects, since he retired.
In the last few years I have made a ton of progress and I have the right therapist now, who is helping me a ton. Somedays I feel like I am starting and square one, but you have to remember that there will always be some setbacks in progress.
My dad said I have a nice personality, but not the right personality for local tv news. Maybe he is right. But I am spending way too much fantazing about/thinking about it. I should just move ahead if I am really interested.
I have talked to some local tv personalities and from what I gather its VERY TOUGH. But a lot of things in my life have been TOUGH. From what I gather about local radio/local television is a lot of it is has to with being in the right place, at the right time. And knowing the right people.
The United States his huge, aand there are tons of small local tv markets to start in.
My dad said to me when we were having this talk about being a local tv reporter, he said "C'mon Justin, what do you really know about being a reporter??". In truth, Not much. But I can learn if I get back in school. My question for him(although, I did not ask) is what do I know about opening a Dunkin' Donuts??. I know nothing about the food industry and how to run it or a business. I guess I could learn, but my dad likes business. And Dunkin' seems like his dream, not mine.
My dad told me recently that most of the world does not have the luxury to be analytical, this is probably true. But since he retired, he sure seems to have a lot of time to be analytical of me.
Lately, I have been a little bit more phobic then usual. My therapist said today I am spending a little too much time with my dad, I concur. He said I was doing better when I wasn't talking to him as much. I am not going to stop, just keep remembering that some distance is okay.
Stay close
Justin
Just a quick blog, because I am not much in the mood to blog. A few weeks ago, my dad and I were talking about careers and what I want to do in the future. My dream as a little kid was always to be a local tv reporter as a 28 year old I want this to be my reality. I know I have only finished a year and half of college, but I can always go back.
A lot of the reason I dropped out was because of depression, ocd and anxiety. And not because I am lazy. As we chatted my dad told me not to go into local television or radio. He said it was WAY too competitive, in some way some of his reasoning is something to consider. He also wants me to be realistic.
Instead, he said when the time is right he would like to help me open/buy a dunkin' donuts. The thing is I have no interest in business or opening a dunkin' donuts. I think this is his what he interested in. He is always looking for projects, since he retired.
In the last few years I have made a ton of progress and I have the right therapist now, who is helping me a ton. Somedays I feel like I am starting and square one, but you have to remember that there will always be some setbacks in progress.
My dad said I have a nice personality, but not the right personality for local tv news. Maybe he is right. But I am spending way too much fantazing about/thinking about it. I should just move ahead if I am really interested.
I have talked to some local tv personalities and from what I gather its VERY TOUGH. But a lot of things in my life have been TOUGH. From what I gather about local radio/local television is a lot of it is has to with being in the right place, at the right time. And knowing the right people.
The United States his huge, aand there are tons of small local tv markets to start in.
My dad said to me when we were having this talk about being a local tv reporter, he said "C'mon Justin, what do you really know about being a reporter??". In truth, Not much. But I can learn if I get back in school. My question for him(although, I did not ask) is what do I know about opening a Dunkin' Donuts??. I know nothing about the food industry and how to run it or a business. I guess I could learn, but my dad likes business. And Dunkin' seems like his dream, not mine.
My dad told me recently that most of the world does not have the luxury to be analytical, this is probably true. But since he retired, he sure seems to have a lot of time to be analytical of me.
Lately, I have been a little bit more phobic then usual. My therapist said today I am spending a little too much time with my dad, I concur. He said I was doing better when I wasn't talking to him as much. I am not going to stop, just keep remembering that some distance is okay.
Stay close
Justin
Sunday, November 18, 2007
11/18/07 "MY FACE"
Hey Guys:
Yesterday, My dad called me and asked me if I would help him with a favor. I told him no problem.
Then most of the day I spent with him. He took me to lunch and we actually had a good time. At lunch he was actually very supportive for the most part and he said Justin, you are my current work-in-progress, I think he understands my struggles and told me its just taking me a little longer to get where I want to be, but eventually I will get there, and have the last laugh. I think he is right.
I realize I torture myself about everything and do need to, but still do anyways. I think part of the reason I do is because even though I was hospitalized over 3+ years I have set up my own stigma that I always have to have some sort of OCD and be constantly worrying. When I do not worry I panic. Most people just panic when they worry.
I guess one thing I am worried/obsessing about and one thing I am starting to panic about is after some intense talking about life and jobs early in the week with my father. I have been starting to question myself about everything. I mean everything.
I think my dad sometimes forgets my life is just that, my life. He wants to create my interest, hobbies, personality, career, ettituqte(he corrects everyone this, but he would be the first person to give you a dutch oven) So in return, I keep asking myself questions. I am an avid runner/jogger. Now I keep debating if the time that I go running would be a suitable time that my dad would like?? I just created a myspace page, and I emailed one of the lesser known courtroom judges(David Young) & also asked him to be my friend. His personality is a little snarky, so I emailed him and told him I like his snarky style, & added a smiley face. I keep thinking would my dad think its suitable, because I guess calling someone snarky could be a little mean spirited, but Judge Judy is quite snarky :-)
I have been talking to my therapist about this and we were talking about being assertive and how important it is.
I dunno. I am getting worried. My obsession about worrying that everyone is going to scream at me, is coming back. I went into my therapy session yesterday and told my therapist how earlier in the session I wanted to ask him for a kleenex, but told him I would not, because I thought he might might yell at me. When I told him this, he was even taken aback. I could tell he was empathic, but he was like "what?" Sometimes I am frightened to say hello to someone or ask them what time it is, because I think they may yell/scream.
Sometimes I wonder how I am able to to run 7 days a week, usually 7 miles a day. I am starting to get it now. I always have a plate of anxiety in me, it really does not go away when I run. Sadly, I am somewhat vain, I feel like if my appearance fades, no one will have any interest in me. In truth, I do not share my OCD with friends much & I know and my personality is more of a strong point then my appearance.
I keep trying to create a "perfect personality" but I keep failing. Wonder why??(No such thing) I am what I am. I friend of mine said Martha Stewart seems PERFECT. I said really?? She has been to jail, she is difficult, and had a failed marriage(even if it wasn't her fault) So she makes a great stawberry shortcake who gives a FUCK??
I think its okay to go with the flow, like if a bunch of friends want to go see a movie you do not want to go to, but I seem to agree with people on things that is an okay to a different opinion on. Like opinions. I REALLY need to work on this.
I also have talked a little to my doc about this, but I have something that I call "risdual OCD" my therapist asked me if this is aactual term, I said I do not know. I will explain later how it affects me.
On a funny note, I sent my dad my, my space page. When I saw him later in the day he told me he thought it was cool. Probably because I put him as my hero.
But as he was talking to me about my space. He kept referring into as MYFACE in a serious tone(roll eyes)
2 and 2
Justin
Yesterday, My dad called me and asked me if I would help him with a favor. I told him no problem.
Then most of the day I spent with him. He took me to lunch and we actually had a good time. At lunch he was actually very supportive for the most part and he said Justin, you are my current work-in-progress, I think he understands my struggles and told me its just taking me a little longer to get where I want to be, but eventually I will get there, and have the last laugh. I think he is right.
I realize I torture myself about everything and do need to, but still do anyways. I think part of the reason I do is because even though I was hospitalized over 3+ years I have set up my own stigma that I always have to have some sort of OCD and be constantly worrying. When I do not worry I panic. Most people just panic when they worry.
I guess one thing I am worried/obsessing about and one thing I am starting to panic about is after some intense talking about life and jobs early in the week with my father. I have been starting to question myself about everything. I mean everything.
I think my dad sometimes forgets my life is just that, my life. He wants to create my interest, hobbies, personality, career, ettituqte(he corrects everyone this, but he would be the first person to give you a dutch oven) So in return, I keep asking myself questions. I am an avid runner/jogger. Now I keep debating if the time that I go running would be a suitable time that my dad would like?? I just created a myspace page, and I emailed one of the lesser known courtroom judges(David Young) & also asked him to be my friend. His personality is a little snarky, so I emailed him and told him I like his snarky style, & added a smiley face. I keep thinking would my dad think its suitable, because I guess calling someone snarky could be a little mean spirited, but Judge Judy is quite snarky :-)
I have been talking to my therapist about this and we were talking about being assertive and how important it is.
I dunno. I am getting worried. My obsession about worrying that everyone is going to scream at me, is coming back. I went into my therapy session yesterday and told my therapist how earlier in the session I wanted to ask him for a kleenex, but told him I would not, because I thought he might might yell at me. When I told him this, he was even taken aback. I could tell he was empathic, but he was like "what?" Sometimes I am frightened to say hello to someone or ask them what time it is, because I think they may yell/scream.
Sometimes I wonder how I am able to to run 7 days a week, usually 7 miles a day. I am starting to get it now. I always have a plate of anxiety in me, it really does not go away when I run. Sadly, I am somewhat vain, I feel like if my appearance fades, no one will have any interest in me. In truth, I do not share my OCD with friends much & I know and my personality is more of a strong point then my appearance.
I keep trying to create a "perfect personality" but I keep failing. Wonder why??(No such thing) I am what I am. I friend of mine said Martha Stewart seems PERFECT. I said really?? She has been to jail, she is difficult, and had a failed marriage(even if it wasn't her fault) So she makes a great stawberry shortcake who gives a FUCK??
I think its okay to go with the flow, like if a bunch of friends want to go see a movie you do not want to go to, but I seem to agree with people on things that is an okay to a different opinion on. Like opinions. I REALLY need to work on this.
I also have talked a little to my doc about this, but I have something that I call "risdual OCD" my therapist asked me if this is aactual term, I said I do not know. I will explain later how it affects me.
On a funny note, I sent my dad my, my space page. When I saw him later in the day he told me he thought it was cool. Probably because I put him as my hero.
But as he was talking to me about my space. He kept referring into as MYFACE in a serious tone(roll eyes)
2 and 2
Justin
Friday, November 16, 2007
11/16/07 Sometimes you have to SCREW OCD......
and join the freakin' party!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=61173259
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=61173259
Photos I want to share. 11/16/07
Highlight the link. Press control c, and then v
Here is a recent pic of me
http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s14/kx1979/002.jpg
Here a picture of my 2 cats. Meiko and Quienten. I volunteered at an animal shelter for about 2 years. Meiko I have had for about 6 years. Quienten I picked up at the shelter.
http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s14/kx1979/005.jpg
Meiko has a bit of a vampire tooth in the pic.
http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s14/kx1979/001.jpg
Quienten
Here is a recent pic of me
http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s14/kx1979/002.jpg
Here a picture of my 2 cats. Meiko and Quienten. I volunteered at an animal shelter for about 2 years. Meiko I have had for about 6 years. Quienten I picked up at the shelter.
http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s14/kx1979/005.jpg
Meiko has a bit of a vampire tooth in the pic.
http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s14/kx1979/001.jpg
Quienten
11/16/07 Back by popular demand
Hi Guys:
I stopped blogging for awhile because I didn't think anyone was really reading it, but I got a great email and I thought I should keep at it. I probably will not blog everyday, because writing is difficult for me(a lot has to do with my OCD)
Anyway, I have only been talking to my dad for about 4+ months and now I kind of know why I stopped talking to the guy in the first place. He is IMPOSSIBLE, but in many ways I am just like him.
Well, anyway, yesterday he was helping me fill out job applications and we did it over the phone. I now realize I can do this myself. I didn't talk to my dad for about 1.5 years and for about 4 months of that time period I would not talk to anyone. Because I thought everyone was going to scream at me. My dad is a big SCREAMER. As I talked to him yesterday and I filled out the applications with him over the phone. He was correcting everything I was saying. I swear to God, every freakin sentence he would cut me off. I am still frazzled by this today and still worry I might not be able to talk to people like I did for that 4 month time period.
We were filling out an application to Borders, he said Justin, I do not think you can get a job there. He has told me before I am unable to work at Borders. He said you need to be well read. I said I kind of am. He said I do not think you could.
I emailed him before about the Borders thing, because I thought he was implying that I was not smart. He said it has nothing to do with that. So yesterday, I honestly am not sure if he told me I was not stupid, but I asked him can I not get this job, because I am stupid. NOW HE WAS YELLING. I NEVER SAID YOU WERE FREAKIN' STUPID. Then my OCD kicked in, because I took the word NOT out and said again, you think I am STUPID???? His reply you are NOT F-U-C-K-I-N-G stupid. Thanks dad, now I feel better :)
Then he helped me fill out some applications for some airlines to become a FA. I dress neatly, he said Justin, I am NOT PICKING on you, but if you want this job, those shoes have to be TIED. After the convseration ended he said Justin, I think you should get a job at a radio station. A few weeks ago he had a 2 hour discussion with me, how I should stay away from local tv and local radio. His reasoning was actually good, but now I am confused.
I swear this conversation took place. I once recently driving with my dad, and he told me in the car that some people are FUCKED up and do not know, he said he is FUCKED UP, but at least he knows it. That gave me some kind of relief. He also told me he is a bit of a maniac. I love the guy, he is just difficult.
I am kind odd like him. Recently I wrote him an email and here is what I wrote.
My email
Hey:
You are right it does look there are snow clouds out. But its not cold enough to snow. Hope hunting went well.
I want to give a special thanks to your sperm and you good genes. God, you produced one handsome child.
His response:
Justin,
I'm sorry to tell you that I'm not your father. I revealed this to Eric several years ago but had been waiting for the right time to tell you. Now is the time. Your real father is Mr. Jingleling. Your mother really liked his Christmas show. I guess she had a rendezvous with him on Halle's 7th floor. (I'm not sure if you are old enough to remember all this.) I guess he was sorta of a handsome guy. But, Justin, I still love you as if you were my own flesh and blood. Don't forget that.
"Dad"
I told him about the joke and said some people thought it was odd, but I thought it was funny. I called my mom about this since I have not talk to her in a wild. She said your father is weird, you were consamted in VEGAS.
Anyway, I was wondering if anyone here watched "The Daily Buzz" its a syndicated morning show in about 40% of the country. Its a great pick me up to get your morning started
2 and 2
Justin
I stopped blogging for awhile because I didn't think anyone was really reading it, but I got a great email and I thought I should keep at it. I probably will not blog everyday, because writing is difficult for me(a lot has to do with my OCD)
Anyway, I have only been talking to my dad for about 4+ months and now I kind of know why I stopped talking to the guy in the first place. He is IMPOSSIBLE, but in many ways I am just like him.
Well, anyway, yesterday he was helping me fill out job applications and we did it over the phone. I now realize I can do this myself. I didn't talk to my dad for about 1.5 years and for about 4 months of that time period I would not talk to anyone. Because I thought everyone was going to scream at me. My dad is a big SCREAMER. As I talked to him yesterday and I filled out the applications with him over the phone. He was correcting everything I was saying. I swear to God, every freakin sentence he would cut me off. I am still frazzled by this today and still worry I might not be able to talk to people like I did for that 4 month time period.
We were filling out an application to Borders, he said Justin, I do not think you can get a job there. He has told me before I am unable to work at Borders. He said you need to be well read. I said I kind of am. He said I do not think you could.
I emailed him before about the Borders thing, because I thought he was implying that I was not smart. He said it has nothing to do with that. So yesterday, I honestly am not sure if he told me I was not stupid, but I asked him can I not get this job, because I am stupid. NOW HE WAS YELLING. I NEVER SAID YOU WERE FREAKIN' STUPID. Then my OCD kicked in, because I took the word NOT out and said again, you think I am STUPID???? His reply you are NOT F-U-C-K-I-N-G stupid. Thanks dad, now I feel better :)
Then he helped me fill out some applications for some airlines to become a FA. I dress neatly, he said Justin, I am NOT PICKING on you, but if you want this job, those shoes have to be TIED. After the convseration ended he said Justin, I think you should get a job at a radio station. A few weeks ago he had a 2 hour discussion with me, how I should stay away from local tv and local radio. His reasoning was actually good, but now I am confused.
I swear this conversation took place. I once recently driving with my dad, and he told me in the car that some people are FUCKED up and do not know, he said he is FUCKED UP, but at least he knows it. That gave me some kind of relief. He also told me he is a bit of a maniac. I love the guy, he is just difficult.
I am kind odd like him. Recently I wrote him an email and here is what I wrote.
My email
Hey:
You are right it does look there are snow clouds out. But its not cold enough to snow. Hope hunting went well.
I want to give a special thanks to your sperm and you good genes. God, you produced one handsome child.
His response:
Justin,
I'm sorry to tell you that I'm not your father. I revealed this to Eric several years ago but had been waiting for the right time to tell you. Now is the time. Your real father is Mr. Jingleling. Your mother really liked his Christmas show. I guess she had a rendezvous with him on Halle's 7th floor. (I'm not sure if you are old enough to remember all this.) I guess he was sorta of a handsome guy. But, Justin, I still love you as if you were my own flesh and blood. Don't forget that.
"Dad"
I told him about the joke and said some people thought it was odd, but I thought it was funny. I called my mom about this since I have not talk to her in a wild. She said your father is weird, you were consamted in VEGAS.
Anyway, I was wondering if anyone here watched "The Daily Buzz" its a syndicated morning show in about 40% of the country. Its a great pick me up to get your morning started
2 and 2
Justin
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