12/16/07 HURT FEELINGS

I was outside running today and I have been struggling quite a bit lately with my OCD/anxiety and my sexuality.

Anyway, I know what these guys did was probably totally random, they were high school looking guys & they opened there window and started *YELLING/SCREAMING* the f'bomb at me as well as other stuff at me, but couldn't make the rest out) My first question to myself why me?? And why did these people have to be such JERKS. I know they probably did not know me since I was wearing a hat and had a few layers of clothing on me. But not totally sure.

Nonetheless, it still hurt my feelings because first of all I don't enjoy the f bomb thrown at me, even if they were trying to be funny and even though they were probably strangers. It just reminded me so much of the teasing that went on in high school and being called a "faggot" & even though I do not think they called me a "faggot" that's all I could think after they started screaming stuff out the window. Even if they did call me a "faggot" I have to keep in my mind it was most likely random.

Its weird because as I was running and as soon as I heard that comment I got light headed, dizzy and literally thought I might faint, after I heard this, It brought all the high school memories back, and I felt like someone stabbed me with a knife.

I see a new doc in the next few weeks who can prescribe medication and hopefully he can help me find some medication to take some of the edge off all the anxiety and OCD I am struggling with.