11/01/07 Another good story

(I will spell check later, too lazy right now)

Hey There:

I have another good story for you guys, but before I get to it. Let me first tell you a little about my day, yesterday. I took my sleeping meds around 3pm and slept to 5am. I feel refreshed, but I can tell I am avoiding a good part of my day by doing this.

This past spring and over the summer I had a job babysitting for a family. I finally quit because the kids behavior was too out of control for me. Anyway, as I was out running about a week ago the lady who I was use to sit for honked at me. I waved. I then called her and told her that from time to time I think about the kids. As bad as they were I do sort of miss them. On the message I also stated I wouldn't mind babysitting from time to time, but I do not think I could handle it on a regular basis. She called me back and told me the kids miss me as well, and she would be more then happy to have me be back. Who wouldn't ;) Who else is going to watch the rugrats anyway? I actually remember when I quit. She was crying, I am not sure if she was crying because she just lost a babysitter or because she genuinely thought she lost a good caretaker for her kids. I would like to think the latter. Who knows, who cares? I am just glad to be back and I am sure she is as well. The money is nice to.

Okay, on to the funny story when I was at Mclean's hospital in Boston, we did a thing for OCD called exposure-reponse(prevention) therapy its suppose to decenaztize yourself to certain thoughts. Well, since I have been struggling with my sexuality so much. I decided to buy some gay publications, and put them outside my apartment door. Buying the magazine was a little hard at first, but even that I got decentaize to. I remember one day though when I was at Borders, buying them. The clerk was driving me nuts. He kept saying to you want a Borders reward card??, Do you drink coffee?? because you get a free coffee with the purchase, are you a school teacher?, because they get a discount. I just wanted to say shut the fuck up and let me buy the magazine already. Then when I bought it he flipped through and put a borders bookmark in. Sheesh!

Anyway, back to the story, the clerk story is good as well. It would of been funnier if you were standing next to me though. There is a lot of traffic by my apartment door, because most people have to pass my apartment to get to there apartment.

Well, since buying the gay magazineS EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM has been taken. I usually left "out" outside, I think once I left the "Advocate" and one other time I left one I do not remember the title. It was pretty risque and I remember turning through the pages and them making me slightly horny, it was also $9.00. YIKES!

Here are my assumptions why the magazines has been taken. I could be right and I could be wrong. There are curious people in my building(Straight or gay), people who clean the apartment complex think I am done with it, so they just throw it away, someone could be thinking someone is playing a trick on me, so they remove or maybe there are a few homophobes in my complex. I really dunno. One time when it was NOT taken it was turned upside down. Othertimes I became frustrated and wrote a note to do not remove magazine. It was STILL taken. Another time when I was frustrated I wrote a note, "Justin, thanks for letting me borrow the magazine. Todd" I wake up the next morning and the magazine is still there, but I thought who the FUCK is Todd??

I wonder if "out" has any idea, while there sales have gone up so much in the last month.

Anyway, I have decided not to leave any more gay publications outside my door. I now keep one in the back of my car, near the window. Now its pretty much visible to anyone who is behind me.

I see my therapist today. Thank God. I am like counting down the hours. I am proud of myself. I have not called him in 3 days. I think this is the first time I have not done this starting with him in several months. Maybe its because I started this blog, and I get to dump all my feelings on you :)

Back in 2 and 2(Gotta love Chuck)
Justin

(When I end each blog. I use a catch phrases from tv. Since I have been a little boy I have always wanted to be a local tv reporter. I do not want to be a an actor or celebrity. I want to be a local tv reporter. There are a lot of reasons why, and I think for all the right reasons. I have the personality, It would boost my self confidence, I love tv news, I like people, I like telling stories, I like being active in the community, but most importantly I am compassionate and able to present empathy and sympathy when its appropatie. I have told people about what I want to do, but everyone responds with its way to competitve. All I know is I cry daily about this, I guess because its something I want it so badly. And its not a WHA-WHA cry either)