Happy Hallowen 10/31/07

Well I just wanted to start by wishing everyone a Happy Halloween. I actually went to a Halloween party while I was visiting my dad. While I did not dress up, other people did. The theme was pirates, so that's what most people dressed up as. It was pretty cute! The lady who ran the party kept saying to we have any butt-pirates here??(ha-ha)

When I first started my blog I said I wanted to be candid and honest. Well, right now I am going to be candid and open about my sex life.

Well to be honest I do not have much of a sex life. It could be described in about 6 seconds. A large reason is because I am not active in many things and do not meet a lot of new people. This has got to change.

I had myself on match.com for about 6 months. My match account did not have a whole lot of activity. While I did talk to some people via email(and still do) I only went on a couple of dates from match. I thought it was just me who wasn't getting many responses, but i have talked to others and there accounts were not that active either.

I sometimes hate how you will hear celebrities say they were ugly ducklings growing up or even how they do not like how they look now. Maybe for some its true, but its seems almost a cliche thing for celebrities to say. Its hard for me to write this, but I consider my good looking. I think its tough to write this was for years, I suffered with bdd(its on the spectrum of OCD) It was REALLY BAD. I would get my mail every few days, when I would drive I would hold my face over my hand. I was just disgusted with the way I look. It took some time, but I have really worked on this area of my life and am now confident in my appearance. I think what helped was when I ran outside, I would parade around half nekkid(not really. Just wearing skimpy shorts and no shirt) Sure, the bdd bothers me here and there, but NOTHING like it use to.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE OCD, SHOULD BE CALLED MADONNA, BECAUSE IT KEEPS REINVENTING ITSELF.

Well, now I would like to talk about the dates I went on. The first one I went on was about a week after I signed up on match. The guy was nice, but he was little to effeminate for me. I guess I am lonely, because I was coming on to him, but he didn't seem interested. I told him I would be in contact with him soon after, but I never did. In truth, even though he had no interest in me. I had no interest in him either and when I told him I was going to be in contact with him, that was a lie.

The other date I went on was a few weeks ago. I actually emailed the guy about 2 months ago and he never responded. I then emailed him back a few weeks ago to see if he was still interested. He reponded and then we talked a little though instant message. When we first started iming I was out of town. He said when you come back in town do you just want to come to my hotel room, hang out and eat dinner there?? He was staying in Cleveland for business. At first, I cancelled the date, because I felt like he might be interested in just one thing. I didn't tell him that, I just said we are 2 different people. People with OCD tend to read into things. I thought maybe I was reading into things a little too much?? Maybe he was just interested in getting take out and eating back at his hotel room(C'mon Justin, you are not the naive or maybe I am), so I changed my mind and decided to meet him.

Well, when in DOUBT, always listen to Oprah. Oprah always said if you just have a hunch that something may be a bad idea do not go into IT. I should listen to Oprah more.

Anyway, we went to a place and got carry out. We brought it back to the hotel room and we messed around. One thing I am learning is you do not have to sleep/mess around with every person you meet. My sexual experiences before this guy have only been a few and I think part of me was curious, the other part of me was lonely.

Although, I was more then willing to mess around. I do felt like he initiated it and he seemed more interested then I was. Let's just say I was mechincal. The other thing though I was not attracted him. People are not always honest about there appearance on match, although I was. I told him one thing I was worried about meeting him was that I told him I was a little worried about my appearance. When he met me. He said you are 10x better looking then I am. I dunno, if he was just saying that or jsut trying to be nice. And while I am not in his head. I kept thinking I am probably 10x more insecure then him.

I have met one or 2 other people not off match and I also fooled around with them. I was really only attracted to one of them. The one I was attracted I still messed around for all the wrong reasons. It happened 6 years and I met him an AOL chat room. I learned my lesson 6 years ago, and stopped going to chat rooms then. The other guy I met was a total trainwreck And the incident(notice how I called it an incident) that happened with him was fairly recent as well. I met him through a mutual friend. I will be discussing him in future blogs. I thought I had issues. Wait till you hear about this tool. His behavior was downright scary. Again, I still went on a second date with him. Doesn't Oprah say never let them take you to the second location??

After meeting the guy on Match(the one I messed around, with a few weeks ago) I came home and started to obsess about aids/hiv. While we did not do anything high risk. And I truly have nothing to really worry about. My OCD is toying with me about this issue. I do need to be more careful when it comes to other situations in the future. Thank God for bad experiences, because you learn a lot from them. I also need to learn that you should sleep with someone you truly like and have a connection with. Not just someone who is there.

I think I read this on the net awhile ago, but I remember reading somewhere how someone once thought that doing certain sexual acts, may cause your voice to change pitches. As I left my house this morning and thought about it I started worry/obsess that because I did certain sexual acts, my voice with now become effeminate. I guess its my OCD just having a good ol' time.

I have since myself off of match and looking to sporting leagues, like Front Runners were the quality of people is much better.

Stay Tuned
Justin!